Fingers Crossed.

:] Hopefully. This is gonna be okay. :)


I'm scared and worried and I really do not feel like sharing anything except my feelings...


Dear God,


You're giving me choices at the moment, and hopefully... whatever I choose... You'd keep guiding me to what is best for me.


Pauuuwwy, you have to watch over me everyday... k? You have to promise me. :')

Srsly? Commitment Issues?

IKR. If someone who knows me sees this post, they'd be like...

"Yeah right."

I'm not really sure like on this "very certain" degree already about the whole thing, mkay? Still conducting a few tests and research about it.

But I think, upon sort of pulling away from my body and trying to see in someone else's perspective...

I think the issue of commitment pretty much scares the shit out of me.

Yes yes. Gots probably billions of crushes such and such, however... to stick with one person for like a period of time...

It sorta freaks me out.

IKR!! It's odd for a girl to feel that way because they're normally the gender who does the whole 'we stay together through this', etc. No. I'm not really dating right now, however... I do ponder about it. But the weirdest thing is that, whenever the opportunity comes around the corner... I scamper like an angry mob is after me.

I'm this odd person who likes one thing one day and then don't really like it the next, and then like it again, then not again, and the whole cycle continues to infinity.

Right now... I feel like if I happen to like someone on this day, I should never tell that somebody I like them (with all that strong conviction I had waaay before in my past crushes) because... it might be that when I wake up the next day, I'm not feeling the same thing anymore.

Hardyharhar.

I should probably see somebody who is an expert in relationships and psychology regarding this matter.

LOL.

Faith.

Matthew 11:28-30: ²⁸ Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I remember Father Dan's sermon awhile ago. I sort of miss how my faith was back then in highschool.


I don't really know where I stand right now when it comes to faith. Or rather, I couldn't really put an exact number on how far I'd fallen from before. Yes, I do believe in Him. But what is now is different from what was.


Before, my heart relied upon Him with everything it had.


Happy. Sad. Everything-- Every thought and feeling.


And I sort of miss it.


Everything wasn't easy way back, but I found solace and consolation when I prayed.


Right now? I'm this 'independent' child who couldn't even open up an honest thought or prayer.


I don't know. But I feel like I have to hide something.


Even though it's clear He can see everything.




I want to go home, God. I really do. :'c


But I don't know how. Hopefully, You'd fetch me.


I now know where this void in my heart is coming from. It's coming from being without You.


And it's starting to hurt.