When God Gives Me Problems...

It's not really always that I have to learn something. I just realized that. He doesn't give me problems to make my life harder also.

He gives me problems because... sometimes I get too stubborn to approach Him and voluntarily opts to forget Him for no reason at all. And by giving me problems, He reminds me that at some point, I have to come back and trace my steps because He is already afraid that I'm stepping nearer to a point that I may be too far from Him.

I don't pray because I need God to solve my problems.

I never asked Him to solve my problems for me (although I know He will when I ask). Because praying is not my way of asking for solutions; but rather, consolations. I'm praying not to request, but rather to voice out what I want (with all the cussing uncensored); to vent out till I'm okay. Like I do with friends. And lately, there are things that I've been keeping to myself. And I know I'm hitting road bumps right now because He misses me telling it to Him so I'll feel better. He's pushing buttons so I'll come out and say it before I explode into pieces. LOL.

And now I've said it through prayer and I feel lighter at heart and better.

So God. I'll never be angry with you. If I say something in the future then I'm apologizing already and hoping that You won't take it to heart.

Because God, I want you to know that I will never mean it. I will never INTENTIONALLY hurt You with words I say. I promise. (Forgive me sometimes because you know how rough I could be around the edges)

If I say 'I hate you', it's not really directed to You. You know deep in my heart I don't. And I won't. It's not you I dislike, but what I'm seeing in myself at that moment. That I still can't embrace the concept that You could love me entirely, when I myself sometimes exclude in loving the parts I dislike in myself.

So thank you, because once again... Prayer has made me feel very okay.

Thank you for saving me today. :)

iloveyou. :)

Targeted.

So Hon just called me like a few minutes ago... And has brought me news that I am a "blind item" in someone's facebook. :))


*drum roll* Andy's girlfriend.


And she's all psycho with the comment I made in Andy's wall asking him about the thing I was waiting for. Oh. And FYI, yeah. I'm waiting for Andy to break up with you because he deserves someone oh so better than you who won't act so childish and constrain Andy from exploring the big world. Throw also the fact that you're jealous and insecure about all the other chicks Andy is around with. You're such a malicious person. And the sad sad thing? You won't even admit it.


Man. The first thing to do to CURE YOURSELF is accept the fact that you're diagnosed with it.


Hope you can also read this like you hope I can also see your "blind item" in facebook.

Also, since she felt like holding a pity party... she dragged another ugly person in the picture. Nico's girlfriend. OMG. There's another psycho in the picture. :)) Bitch please. Like you can lower me to your state. Hahaha. You're already in the low, don't go into lower than low, man. :p That's just sick. XD


LOOOL. So you guys, just keep doing your blind item thing because it makes me so fucking famous. Just make sure you don't piss Honey so much, because I'll break your  fucking faces if it happens. And you do want to be left with something from your already miniscule state in the looks department, right?


Also, tone down the insults with regards to what I look, because honestly? If you stand beside me with your faces, you might be mistaken for slaves. >:p so watch it. :)   


You know who's ugly and looks like a frog, baybeh. :] And it isn't me.


So you're just basically masking the fact that you're insecure about how you look like. Do try to improve at it. Because we STILL SEE THROUGH IT. ;)


And do avoid to make nasty comments while in front of the mirror. You might have unknowingly typed out a description of yourself. Oops.

Le Sigh.

God wants you to know ... that you do not see things as they are. You see them as you are.

Guilty as charged. >.<

I'm not really sure with what I'm doing in my life at the moment. There's tons of things around, and it just might be so possible that I am one of those so interesting however unstable people existing in the world.


Shit. Should have posted often so I'm not becoming this crazy.


I miss school. I miss Honey. I miss Andy. I miss Val. I miss the normality. (WUT.)


*sigh*


What to do. What do do.


WTF. I was playing around with blogger's new dashboard style and I think I deleted a few posts. Stupid. Grrreeeaaaatttt. :c


Breathe. Just breathe.


*deep sigh*

Relapse.

And the problem with me is:

I SO DO NOT HAVE THE TALENT OF LEAVING AND NOT LOOKING BACK.

At some point, I end up getting a relapse and going back to the same shit all over again.

Srsly. This is getting really really old.

A few months into it and I'm doing really great... and then after some time, I go to that relapse stage and then the next thing I know I'm crying over some shit I did.

Where is the 'LIVE IN THE MOMENT' quote when I need it so much, ah?

:c I'm not talking about my love life entirely, but my whole life itself. >.>

And it sucks when I get to this point where I feel like throwing a 'pity party'. Everybody is moving and I am in this single space, walking back and forth endlessly.

I need you, Inner Bitch. I need you.