When God Gives Me Problems...

It's not really always that I have to learn something. I just realized that. He doesn't give me problems to make my life harder also.

He gives me problems because... sometimes I get too stubborn to approach Him and voluntarily opts to forget Him for no reason at all. And by giving me problems, He reminds me that at some point, I have to come back and trace my steps because He is already afraid that I'm stepping nearer to a point that I may be too far from Him.

I don't pray because I need God to solve my problems.

I never asked Him to solve my problems for me (although I know He will when I ask). Because praying is not my way of asking for solutions; but rather, consolations. I'm praying not to request, but rather to voice out what I want (with all the cussing uncensored); to vent out till I'm okay. Like I do with friends. And lately, there are things that I've been keeping to myself. And I know I'm hitting road bumps right now because He misses me telling it to Him so I'll feel better. He's pushing buttons so I'll come out and say it before I explode into pieces. LOL.

And now I've said it through prayer and I feel lighter at heart and better.

So God. I'll never be angry with you. If I say something in the future then I'm apologizing already and hoping that You won't take it to heart.

Because God, I want you to know that I will never mean it. I will never INTENTIONALLY hurt You with words I say. I promise. (Forgive me sometimes because you know how rough I could be around the edges)

If I say 'I hate you', it's not really directed to You. You know deep in my heart I don't. And I won't. It's not you I dislike, but what I'm seeing in myself at that moment. That I still can't embrace the concept that You could love me entirely, when I myself sometimes exclude in loving the parts I dislike in myself.

So thank you, because once again... Prayer has made me feel very okay.

Thank you for saving me today. :)

iloveyou. :)