What I Don't Like?

I don't like it when people try to pick fights with my friends.


It's then that my patience is seriously tested and I have to try so hard to stop my fist from contacting their face.

I'm Here Because I'm Meant To Be Here.

I'll never get tired of the way you tell me you miss me, Love.


Every night before heading to bed, it freaks me out to think how everything could have been so different if I'd taken those decisions I didn't take.


Hell. It might have been good. It might have been so much better, but gawd. I will never exchange you for any of it.


That's how much I love you.


No regrets.


I know I've asked before why I'm actually where I am... But then I just realized at some point that I'm here because I'm meant to be here; because someone needs me to be at this exact spot.


'Cause if I'm not at this exact spot...


I would've skipped the whole Boycrush episode; I would've missed building a bridge of friendship with you; I might have had a different set of people in my life; I might have lost Honey; I might not have 'Dad'; I might not have a 'Loveteam';


A way different set of EVERYTHING that is actually too long to type.


Everything might have sucked at one point, but it doesn't matter any more.


If everything sucks again in the future, and I forget how much the journey has been worth everything...


I'll read this post again. Over and Over.




Negative things will come. I may not be able to control everything that happens. It will upset me.


But they are there for a reason.


A purpose I might not comprehend as of the moment, but will always turn out for the best.


If something negative comes up, I'll just think:


"Negative things before had been the stepping stones of the awesome people who are currently in my life. Maybe someone awesome is on the way. It's gonna be worth it."


:]

Letting Go: Everything and Dallas.

Give some of that weight where it belongs, - to God, and have faith that what happens is for the best, whether you understand it or not.

--I'm gonna breathe deep, let go, and let You. On everything.


**6/20/2011: I'll miss you, Dallas. :') You made me so happy again. I could've asked you to stay, baby. But I don't think you'd want that, after everything.

Gawwdd. Baby, it's all my fault. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, baby.

I should've done everything right. I should've stayed. I should've known it was the last time I was ever gonna see you. I should've held you for the last time that night.

And I didn't. Because I'm a gadddamn coward.

I've learned a lot. Those little things in life. Those moments. And you should know that a part of me will stay with you. Even after you're gone. Because baby, believe it or not... You've taught me to become someone better in that span of time.

But some part of me will never forgive myself for what has happened.

I love you though. Hopefully, you felt that. :'(

Hopefully you're happy with Peppermint and Machi. God knows how much I've loved them both. The time was too short. And now, you.



But... doggy heaven, yeah? I'm believing in that.




You're the 3rd puppy, and yet my heart still breaks. :'(


Watch over me, little guy. :') I'll miss you. I love you. Always. Forever.

I'm No Superhuman.

Of course I'll always be this "happy" gal.


And no matter how perfect my world is outside, there'll always be days where everything seems to suck so bad.


And yesterday?


Is probably one of those days.


Hopefully when I wake up everything is better already.


Hopefully.


Gaddd. I wanna go MIA. >.>

6.17.2011 is loved. :]

How do you know when you're over? :]


Is it when things get easier?


Is it when you can't remember anymore?


Hindi ko rin alam actually. At ayokong sabihin na "over na ako" when I'm not really certain at all. Maybe on the process, but not stating 'really over'. I'm not saying it because mahirap nang mausog. :p


I'm afraid of doing the whole 'relapse' thing again if ever I'm really getting better.


Medyo nanghihinayang though. Some part of me feels that way.


Kasi gusto ko pa din na kahit papaano, we're friends. Pero I guess malabo yon.






Ang alam ko lang as of the moment?


Okay nako kahit sabihin mo pang magkita kami.


Wala na yung fear unlike before.


May twinge pa din of 'missing him' pero it's not so bothersome anymore.


Hindi ko na rin masyado maramdaman ang gravity ng mga past texts niya.


I'm okay with the fact na he's interested in pursuing somebody. Hopefully, genuine yan and not due to some sort of side interest or whatsoever. :p (Just saying.)


At bakit?


Keyword: Superhuman. Absorption. :))


LELS.


6.17.2011: Saw dad, loveteam, Ren, Love and everyone else. :] Starbucks date with Love after her work. :] Today... everything was so fucking worth it. :) Dad's hug felt so so so so so so good. It was comforting. It was everything I had pictured out.


Etong mga taong to? They're meant to be in my life. And I'm thankful for it.


If I had the choice of doing things differently... I'd still choose the same choices I did before. Just so I could get what is "now".


It's because these are the people I'm supposed to be fighting so hard to keep in my life.


Kaya Love... Hindi mo man mabasa to... Pero... :)


Love,

I'm not sure if you know how much I love you. Pero know that I do. So much. I'm not leaving. And as long as you're trying no matter how hard everything gets... I can promise I'm staying.

Thank you kasi... We're perfect together. 

I did not only get an Ate, but also a bestfriend. 

Stay in my life, Love. Kasi... mahal na mahal kita. :') Sobra.

Penny For Your Thoughts.

In the context of LOVE, "Bahala ka (It's your choice)." does not mean "do as you please." It means, "You know what I want. You can either do things that make me happy or choose to disappoint me."

This is actually the most absurd thing I've ever read.


You cannot EVER impose on someone you love what they should choose.


Because if you love them? Whatever they choose, you should accept. Simply because it happened to be their choice. Whether or not you're happy about it, it's out of your reach.


No guilt tripping and shit like It means, "You know what I want. You can either do things that make me happy or choose to disappoint me."


because that is hella evil.


I'm going rant about this because that statement above is so fucking selfish itself.


And whoever thought of this statement even had the nerve to insert "In the context of love".


If that is the kind of love you'll be receiving, then tell the other person on the other end of this 'love' to go eat that 'love' they're giving out.


Bullshit. Loads of bullshit.


This is like waging a subconscious warfare on the decisions/choices of the person you love. Indirectly imposing what they should choose. Indirectly pushing them to incline to the choice that makes you happy.


And they will choose what makes you happy because in their mind it's like, 'if you love someone, you will do what makes them happy.'


And that is just plain stupid.


If you really love somebody, you will never ever try to influence their decision to lean on what is comfortable or favorable on your part.


Their decision might hurt you, but WHOEVER SAID LOVE IS EASY?


If you love them, YOU WILL ACCEPT THEIR CHOICE EVEN IF IT FUCKING DISAPPOINTS YOU.


So to whoever invented the statement I'm ranting about...


FUCK YOUR SELFISH STATEMENT.


CLEVERLY HIDDEN EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.


I'm sorry to say they've failed their covert operations.

Rainy Days.

We don't travel in the 'real', we travel in the 'legendary'.

:] Rainy days make me remember a lot of stuff. *sigh* Being with beh @ DD the other day is too awesome beyond words.


It wasn't planned; it was a spontaneous invitation for a coffee date. And it was soo good. Talked for 3 hours straight. <3


A gap that was once formed due to separation has closed just like that in that 3 hour span. We're near each other again. And I think...


Some people are just meant to stay IN your life for good. Just like some stay OUT of your life. No matter how hard you try to keep them around.

>.<[...][...][...][...]>.<

It feels good knowing that slowly... I've been thinking of him less and less. He crosses my mind every now and then, still makes me sad at some point... But it's getting more and more bearable as time passes.


I'm never sorry for loving you. Even if it was so gaddamn hard and painful.


...Because in that span of time knowing you... I found the worst and best part of me.


And that makes it so fucking worth it.




This is what happens when you fall in love.


Bollocks and out of your mind.

Home.

LOL. I'm friggin' home.


But apparently, sick. >.> Plus I have a dulled hearing on my right ear because it hurt like a bitch on the plane due to the air pressure. And since I am sick, it made matters worse because of something along the lines of sinus blocking something going to somewhere.


Anyway.


I'm rating the entire trip as... 7. :]


LOL. It was okay, however I think it wasn't the best trip ever just yet.


Oh well. First times are always like that. ;p (no pun intended).


I intend to return however. It's just that... the next time... It'd be with friends. ROFL. :))


Rents still so strict, lah. Even when I'm already seriously 20.


WAHAHA. I'm complaining with leniency over my age issues when I got the nerve to buy a huge ass "Stitch" stuffed toy at the airport and carry it around like a BOSS.


Yay. So much for proving my maturity.


But hey, I can be 30 something and still buy stuffed toys. I mean, what's wrong with that, leh.


Very very nice though. I mean. Everything. :D I might considering posting everything that has happened. :p LOL. So fun when it replays on my mind. XD


Anyway... I remember that Chinese guy again at the airport. He's probably around my age or so. LOL. So cute leh and he was so embarrassed that we befriended him, hah. Hopefully he got home to Guangzhou okay. :) ^___^

Short Post

NOTE: If someone finds font styles or font sizes that are looking very very odd, I apologize at the moment. I will adjust it as soon as I reach my laptop at home. You see...



Lels. First experience blogging via IPAD. And it's so friggin' awesome. :)

It's weird carrying it around though. Like typing on air. Plus I can't do my batshit crazy typing. I srsly miss the sound of the laptop keyboard. =))

BTW, IPAD is not mine, k? It's my sister's.

LELS. Two more days and I'm gonna be back to reality. :))

SRSLY. What the f is wrong with me and my fixation for things that are OBVIOUSLY ending.